Dear Peer to Peer . . .

I have a friend who is overly competitive but in a subtle way. She always wants to talk about grades just so she can shove hers in my face. What really bothers me is when she talks about things she’s going to do over the weekend when she knows I wasn’t invited to them.  How do I deal with an overly competitive friend or classmate?


-Needing New Friends

Dear Needing,  


That’s a tough situation.  I think it’s safe to say that many of us have been there.  There are different ways of handling a competitive friend or classmate depending on who the person is. It may also depend on your relationship with them. That being said, you could try to disengage from the conversation.  You might try switching the subject to something more neutral. You can even just politely leave the conversation. If your friend doesn’t see that her comments make you uncomfortable, you might have to be more direct if you feel it’s worth addressing.  Using “I statements” is always a good place to start. You can explain how her comments make you feel and that you don’t like how the element of competition affects a friendship. You’ll feel good about honestly expressing your feelings. And it might also help your friend be a better friend to you and others, which is a win-win.  

If you have a question, contact Spyglass at

Dear Peer to Peer . . . is a Peer-to-Peer affiliated column providing the student body with carefully thought-out and collaboratively-informed answers to student questions. Third-Year Peer-to-Peer students Kat A., Jane A., Lauren B., Hanne I., Lucy K., and Micaela M. thoughtfully considered each question and utilized their 2 years of experience practicing empathetic listening and conflict resolution in tandem with their 4+ years of experience as Westridge students. Please keep in mind these answers, while crafted with considerable insight, are only subjective suggestions.